3 months together, 3 months apart.

Today's the day, the 3 month mark. Today I have officially been without Reese as long as I was with him. It doesn't seem like long to me and yet it seems like forever ago that I held his sweet precious little body in my hand and gazed in awe at how perfect he was. His tiny foot was just a little smaller than the first in the picture above. Teeny, but perfect. I can still picture him just perfectly in my mind and picture just how sweetly his little hand looked resting on the tip of my finger.

With Reese, more than Gabriel, I feel like I have to keep all of my adoration and love, all of my sadness and grief, to myself. I know people wonder how I can be so sad when I only knew him for so little of a time. I know that people expect that I should have moved on from aching for him already (I've actually been told this.) I know it makes people uncomfortable for me to even bring him up and so I don't, for most people....and then I feel guilty because how can I not talk about this perfect little angel of mine...the one I prayed for, ached for, wanted for so long. The one I thought was the greatest gift because of the hope and happiness he gave me and our family when we needed it so badly. Even though he was this tiny baby that I never felt move and I never got to see take a breath, he was my perfect and very loved baby. I will never know what happened to him, why he had to leave this life before he got to live much of it, but I will strive every day to be better so I can hold him again. Like his brother before him, he has changed my life forever.

 I love you, sweet baby Reese. Sleep in heavenly peace.