All I Wanted To Do

All I wanted to do was to find a way for my family to remember our little Gabriel. The kids were so excited when we decided to make a memorial garden for him. I was trying to make something good out of all of this. I was working so hard at getting his garden done for his birthday so that we'd have somewhere, anywhere, to go to honor his little life. I've spent months trying to figure it all out. I worked over two weeks, for a few hours each day, to dig out 300 sq. foot of sod so that we could make a large garden that included both of his trees that we planted for him last fall. Everyone thought I was crazy for digging it myself, but I didn't have money to rent a sod cutter, and I wanted it done. With all of my hard work I knew it would be worth it if we could have that space ready for his birthday. We had planned to invite friends and family and have a balloon release in his honor along with cake and ice cream.

Then I went and dumped a bunch of that sod on my foot. I've had plenty of people get a good chuckle at my expense for how stupid it was. I've laughed along with them. I know it was completely stupid. I know that this trial was all brought on by my stupidity so I've been trying not to complain too much, even though I've been in constant pain, my husband is exhausted from working all day and then coming home and trying to maintain some kind of normal, my house is going to shambles, and my kids have gone crazy from sitting in front of the TV constantly. I'm trying to endure without complaining but I'm so, so bummed and disheartened. I've been off my foot now for two weeks and there's no sign of improvement. I went to the Dr. again today and although no broken bones have shown up, I have a deep contusion (bruise) that runs the entire inside of my foot from top to bottom...and his advice is to spend another week or so off of it. Two weeks from tomorrow is Gabriel's birthday. There's no way the garden is getting done. To make matters worse, everywhere I dug up is now being covered with grass growing in again....so all that work...for nothing. Here's an aerial view (as close as I can get) from the boys' room showing just how abandoned looking Gabe's poor garden is:It also means that our planned hike to the G in Pleasant Grove....Gabe's G, according to Kade...on his birthday is not in the cards either. We've had that planned for months now. All I wanted to do was make his birthday special, especially since he won't be here with us to celebrate it. I just wanted to remember my little boy that I ache for every day...that's all I wanted to do.