Running With Angels

I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for this, but I'm going to do a 5k tomorrow! Yes, me! I don't do 5ks and in all my life have never aspired to, but this one is different. This is the Running with Angels 5k. The proceeds go to the Angel Watch program, which helps out families who find out that their hopes and dreams have been shattered with a fatal diagnosis for their babies. It also supports the wonderful services that are provided when a baby does die...the hand and foot prints and molds, the pictures, the sweet blankets that those babies are wrapped in, the little box that holds all of these precious mementos...the only things that most families will have as memories of their babies. I am so thankful that I have one of those boxes with my precious Gabriel's things. Needless to say, the purpose of this 5k is close to my heart.

It's not going to be pretty. I will definitely be walking it, if not hobbling it. I don't run. I used to not be too shabby in that department...I could do a seven minute mile back in the day. One day I found this sign that I attached to my car that read "HIT ME!" and 10+ car accidents later, most of which ended with some major whiplash, my neck just can't handle the impact running brings with it. Besides that, I've got my stinkin' foot that is a constant source of pain. It's been killing me lately, especially since our killer week in California. It's even gotten to the point where it hurts and throbs even when I haven't been on it at all....and it hurts more when it rains (which it's been doing non-stop forever lately), as old person of me as that sounds. Ugh. Add that to a whole new list of maladies that have been kicking my butt lately, and I'll be happy if I cross the finish line. If I do, it won't be me alone doing it. I know I'll have some heavenly help that will keep me going....and the promise of my very first pedicure tomorrow afternoon.I just finished reading the book, Running with Angels, by Pamela Hansen that started this thing. It's amazing what this woman has done through her own grief. She lost two babies, one of which had a very similar story to Gabe's. She wrote in her book: " Our trials will continue throughout out lives. But we cannot give up. Even if we stumble and fall, we need to pick ourselves up and keep running. We may not win the race, but speed does not matter. What matters is that we keep going, forging ahead, enjoying the journey, recognizing and feeling grateful for the divine and earthly help we receive along the way, and ultimately finishing the course. We can overcome. We will triumph. We are running with angels." I hope that somehow I can make it tomorrow through this insane attempt to do something to honor my sweet baby's memory. I am trying my best to forge ahead with this new life and trying to look for moments of enjoying along with enduring. It's never easy, as I'm sure tomorrow won't be, but I hope that I'll have someone rooting for me on the other side. I'm doing this for you, baby Gabe. I love you, love you, love you.