Thankful Thursday

The other night we went to a play some of the kids in our ward were in. I was with my family, and as usual when we're all together, I thought about how different it would be if we had our little 14 month old baby boy there too or how it'd be to have that new baby we wanted growing in my tummy now. I thought how happy I would be to feel complete, a feeling I never feel anymore. Then I noticed that I was sitting in front of Pam Hansen, who wrote Running With Angels. I've met her before when she came to speak to our Relief Society and I think she recognized me, but she was busy talking to her friend and I never had the chance to talk to her, but she kept smiling at me whenever I glanced back. I noticed that she looked happy. Genuinely happy. Her family wasn't complete either. She has babies in heaven waiting for her too, but she looked happy. I know she hasn't always felt this way. I've read her book. I've heard her speak about the ache of losing her children. I've seen the pain in her eyes that she still has for the loss of them. After her last baby died, she never had a rainbow baby....her arms are still empty. But what stood out to me was that now, years after her loss, she is happy. It gave me hope that someday I'll make it there too. It might take a long time. I will never feel complete and I will always miss our babies, but there's hope to be happy again someday. I hope it comes sooner than later, because there's still so much to be happy about in this life, even if I don't get the things I hope for now. Today I'm thankful for hope, even when it's just a smidgen of hope, that someday, eventually I can maybe be happy again.