Lost....again

Maybe you've noticed....I've been majorly depressed again the last few weeks and really struggling to get through it. A few weeks ago I had a miscarriage. I was barely pregnant but it was still miserable to go through it....at first physically and then since emotionally, as it has been weighing me down more and more. I've never had an early loss before and never expected that I would. It majorly sucks after waiting so very long to get pregnant....after hoping for our rainbow baby that we've prayed for and wanted so badly. We're trying to be hopeful that at least I did get pregnant....but I'm also so worried that it was our only chance for another baby. At first I felt a lot of peace, kind of like when Gabe died, but the last week has really hit me hard. I really wish I was 9 weeks pregnant now instead of facing more "what ifs". It has definitely been different than losing Gabriel, but it's still a loss...something we wanted so badly....gone already.

We haven't told our kids and aren't planning on it for now. They would be so disappointed and heartbroken. I'm heartbroken for them. I'm heartbroken for myself. I'm heartbroken for our family.

Tomorrow is Fast Sunday. Could I ask you to include our family in your fast? Strangers and friends alike...I know there's power in prayer. I need that right now. I know I'll get through this, but right now it just feels so overwhelming to be burdened with more pain with the loss of this hope for a new baby. I need all the prayers I can get.