Happy Birthday to my dear sister.....

Today is a special day and always has been for me. Today's my sister, Mary Gwen's 44th birthday. I wrote about it last year, from a totally different point of view, as a sister of an angel baby, instead of a mother of one. Yet, for the first time last year, I had looked on the life of my stillborn sister from my parents' point of view, and I ached so much for their loss as parents. I had no clue then how it really felt to be here, in this awful empty place with arms that ache so badly for what you almost had in your reach, and now have to wait a lifetime for.

I certainly know that I have felt the loss of Mary Gwen throughout my life and part of my ache with Gabriel is knowing that my kids will feel that loss too. I hope that they'll always remember him and keep a special place for him in their hearts. I feel that although I don't have Mary Gwen here that I've always been able to know her somehow by remembering her. I can't help but think that there was a reason that I have always had this bond with my sister. I've felt a closeness to her in the last year more than I have in a long time, and that has especially helped in these few months since Gabriel died. I know that she's somehow been here to help me through this.

Tonight we celebrated Mary Gwen's birthday with some ice cream and yummy muffins-thank heavens for a great home teacher that brought them since I've been sick as a dog this weekend. We sang happy birthday to Mary Gwen and then talked about her a bit. I told Alexis that Aunt Mary Gwen died just like Gabriel and asked her if she knew where she was....and Mr. Comic Kade piped in, "She's in Aunt Arteeeca!" We all got a good laugh from that. Silly kid. But it made me pause and think of how truly blessed we are to know where she is and to know God's plan for our entire family. We know exactly where our angel babies are....even if we wish there were with us instead.I love and miss you Mary Gwen!! Happy Birthday!! Take good care of my little Gabriel for me & give him the smooches that I wish I could!!