Silver Linings

I really want to just complain today. Really, really. When you wake up crying in the morning you kind of just expect it to be a bad day. And so far, it has been. Already this morning we had to plunk down close to $500 getting new tires because somehow in my limited driving yesterday I managed to find that one stray bolt and picked it up with my tire. The last 6 weeks we've had to buy a new toilet that was busted the day we got home from the hospital, throw out a freezer full of food that went bad when I left it open a crack while we were in Yellowstone, and on top of it we got our first hospital bill the other day. I know it's just money, but right now I really wish that if we were spending money that we didn't have, it would be for something a little more exciting than toilets, food, tires and the hospital bills that are just a painful reminder of what we don't have. Blah.

Of course, Ben can find the positive. We were starting to need new tires anyway and wouldn't have gotten them because we don't have any money...which may have led to one blowing out and perhaps an accident, which would've been worse. Why can he always see the silver lining when I just see the clouds? I try so badly to see the positive and hope to be an optimist but that's just it, I have to try. He just sees it. So, in my complaining today about how I'm just tired of all this stupid junk we still keep getting, of course, Ben has to go and encourage me to look for the silver lining. Well, you asked for it, Ben. In my life, you are my constant silver lining. So now you have to deal with me gushing about how lucky I am to have you.

Last night was an anniversary for Ben and I. Little did Earth, Wind, and Fire ever realize how much we'd remember the 21st night of September when they wrote their song. Well, we remember it well. Fourteen years ago last night, Ben and I started this whole thing with our first smooches. Quite memorable, indeed, especially for me. You see, I had loved Ben forever at that point and I couldn't have been more happy.

The day I met Ben I was kind of enamored. Here he was, fresh off the mish just one day, and he was just so cute and I could tell he was just a good guy from the beginning. As I saw him around the next few months, I just liked him more and more. The problem was, I was hooked up with his friend, so Ben wasn't even looking my way. At the same time, I was dating a guy getting ready to go on a mission. They were both great guys, but heck, one was leaving soon, and the other, though he's a super nice guy with a big heart, just didn't have the same beliefs and values that I wanted. One day I was telling my grandma about my plight of the three guys in my life. My wise grandma encouraged me to just go for Ben. He was the obvious choice. He was everything I wanted.

So, as things worked out, the guy I was with needed for us to take a break, the other guy headed out on his mission, and there I was, totally free to pursue Ben. Now, I'm not the type of girl to just go for a guy, even though I had a lot of boyfriends along the way. I was always painfully shy around guys I really liked. When I told my friends about liking Ben, they all wanted me to go for him too. One friend, who had known Ben for years, even said, " You have to go for him. You're perfect for each other. You guys are going to get married." That same friend ended up getting us together with a bunch of sly matchmaking moves along the way. So finally after 9 months of crushing over Ben, the night came where somehow the fates aligned and we ended up at my house completely alone, which was a miracle in itself since my house was the busy party house at that time. As shy as I was around guys, I just wasn't with him and we talked and talked and talked...all night long until the wee hours of the morning. As I talked to Ben about everything under the moon, I think I knew even then, that he was the one. Then he kissed me..and the rest is history.

So here we are, 14 years later, and I am still just as enamored as ever. Ben is an amazing man and I honestly don't know how I have ever deserved him. I have spent our entire marriage trying to be more like him. He is caring, patient, kind, and selfless. He works so hard for our family and works so hard to serve others and the Lord. Through all of the things that Ben has had to endure he has still found a way to be positive and happy and treat others so well. I could really go on and on and on about how wonderful he is and he would hate it, because he's incredibly humble too. Through everything that Ben and I have been through, both the most wonderful blessings and the most awful trials, he has stayed by my side and encouraged me to be strong. He has taught me to have hope and faith in the promises we have made to each other and our Heavenly Father. I feel so very, very blessed to have Ben to love me. Today, he encouraged me to look for the silver lining and having this amazing man as my husband will always be my silver lining and the reason that I can find happiness, even on days when I wake up crying.

Yesterday I came across this quote. I have no clue who it's from but I love it and needed it and it reminded me of the love I still have even though I'm also feeling such loss right now.

"I realized that there is something that happy people know that unhappy people don't; no matter what happens in life, there's always something left to love, and the love that remains is always stronger than anything that goes against it."

I love you, Ben, more than ever. Thank you for loving me back and making me so happy. Thank you for the best 14 years, through all of our ups and downs. I love you more than I have ever had the words to say to you and I know that I am the luckiest.