I know that this is not goodbye

A month ago today was the day that Gabriel was born. Sometimes it feels like this has lasted forever and sometimes it feels like only a minute ago that it happened. I'm just missing him so much and wishing there was some way that this thing has just been a nightmare and I'll wake up. Every morning I still wake in shock to not have him there and the feeling of complete emptiness can be so overwhelming some days. Some are better than others and I know that I'm going to be okay. I can do this because I know that if I can endure this, I will get to be with Gabriel again.

Each of our kids have their own song that we have sung to them since babies to comfort them. We learned very early that the song that we sung to Skylar was not about to be accepted from Nickolas. He actually would cry if we sang her song to him. He wanted his own song and he got it and hence each of our babies has gotten their very own song. My kids often ask me to sing or play them their song. I love that it still brings them comfort to hear the song that is specifically for them. Gabriel has a song too. It is the song that has not left my mind since the morning my labor was induced and I knew I'd have to say goodbye to him. Instead of comforting sweet Gabriel, this song comforts me. After explaining to my children about the meaning, they now often request that we listen to it. It brings them comfort when they too are missing their baby brother.

The song is Kite by U2.



We love you so much, our sweet baby boy, and miss you every moment. You make us want to be better people so that we can be with you again. We wish you were here with us but know that you are where you're supposed to be and that this is not goodbye.