I have been very blessed to have some amazing friends that have supported me through losing my two precious babies. I wish I could name and put a picture up of all of them, but today I chose to share this picture of my friends, the Mailes. This was taken at this year's Remembrance Walk, a special morning for my baby loss group dedicated to remembering our precious babies gone too soon. Most people had their families there. We had our Mailes. I am so thankful for this family's desire to come to support and love us, to cry with us as our little Gabriel's name was read, and to remember him with us.
My dear friend Abby's husband, Naki, died just 9 months before my first baby, Gabriel, died. I don't understand losing a husband and she doesn't understand losing a baby, but we do understand the feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and heartache when losing someone that you love. She has been there for me countless times and I hope I've been there for her. These sweet Maile girls have also been there for my kids, as they all understand too well how it feels to have a family that feels incomplete, split between heaven and earth. Most kids don't understand grief but these young girls do on a level of maturity that not many adults can even express. After my baby died, one of Abby's sweet girls gave me a huge hug, and told me, "I'm so sorry your baby died. I feel so sad for you." When so many adults couldn't even do that, I was so touched by this sweet girl's love.
We love you Mailes!! Thank you for always remembering our precious Gabriel and Reese and loving them right along with us!!
Day 12: Scents
I don't really have a scent that reminds me of my babies. The description said maybe a flower that does. I do that have that. Sunflowers. When my little Gabriel first died I would drive up the canyon every single day. The beauty of the canyon reminded me that Gabriel was somewhere even more beautiful and it made me happy for him. Along the road everywhere were sunflowers. They looked so vibrant, full of life, and happy. It reminded me that Gabriel was too....and that there were still beautiful things in the world, even if the heartache of losing him was so difficult.
Here's my sweet sunshine, Skylar, standing next to some giant sunflowers. Next year we're adding these to the garden for our babies!
Day 13: Signs
This picture was taken last year on October 15, National Pregnancy and
Infant Loss Remembrance Day. After going to the Walk to Remember we
hiked to the G on the mountain in remembrance of our little Gabriel. The
sunset that evening was spectacular! I know Gabriel must have helped a
little in sending that to us on that special day.
This picture was taken at the Remembrance Walk for my baby loss group, Common Bonds. Every year, the day before Mother's Day, the group joins together to remember our babies, to say their names, and to honor them. This isn't the greatest picture, but I like how it reflects just how many of us belong to this crappy club that no one wants to be in, but that we've found strength and love in despite our pain. I think our wonderful counselor in charge of our group told me that she sends out at least 800 invitations to this event each year. It's heartbreaking to think that so many are living with the ache of losing their babies.
I don't know what I'd do without the amazing friends that I have made through this group. They strengthen me on the good days and they help me to survive the bad days. They understand when no one else possibly could. I'm so thankful that I don't have to do this all alone.
Day 15: Wave of Light
♥ In memory of our precious babies, Gabriel and Reese ♥
Gabriel 8/12/10
Reese 5/27/12
Reese 5/27/12
Day 16: Release
This is a picture of our family at the 2012 Walk to Remember this last weekend. We sent balloons to heaven for our two baby boys, Gabriel and Reese, as well as my sister, Mary Gwen, and my nephew, Kye. It's both heartbreaking and beautiful to see so many balloons released for the babies we miss and love so much.
Day 17: Anniversary/Birthday/Due Date
Gabriel, Birthday: 8/12/10, Due Date: 1/7/11
Reese, Birthday: 5/27/12, Due Date: 12/3/12
First birthdays are a big deal in our family and we love to celebrate them! Gabriel's was no different, even if he wasn't there to celebrate with us. We had an open invitation to friends and family to join us for a balloon release in his memory. We were amazed at how many actually came to support us and share their love with us that day. All of the balloons floating heavenward looked so beautiful. It was a wonderful day remembering that although Gabriel was born still, he was still born.
We continue to send balloons to heaven on Gabriel's birthday and also do an act of kindness in his memory. We will do this for our little Reese on his birthday too.
Day 18: Family Portrait
Our family portraits always feel a little empty with our two babies missing. When we know we are going to be taking a family picture we do our best to include our babies by bringing their symbols, a dragonfly for Gabriel and a butterfly for Reese. Their symbols are small in the picture and most people don't notice them, but knowing that our babies are represented makes us all feel a little better. We know that these babies are part of our family, now and forever.
Day 19: Project
I'm always so inspired by the amazing ways that parents in the baby loss community have done something to make beautiful things out of something so painful. I am not crafty at all, but we do try to do simple acts of kindness in memory of our little ones. A few of my friends from my baby loss group and I have also made the sweetest blankets to donate to our bereavement counselor who gives them to families just like us. Like I said, I'm not crafty and I have no clue how to sew, but I have some very talented friends who have taught me the art of pinning and ironing so I can feel like I've contributed in the tiniest bit to help these families receive these precious blankets. I know that I treasure the beautiful blanket my sweet baby was wrapped in and I hope that the blankets we have helped to make have brought some kind of comfort to grieving families that have to say goodbye to their sweet babies.
I thought I had a picture of some of the blankets that we had made, but I can't find one. Instead, here is a picture of my own daughter, cuddling on our Gabriel Bear and Gabriel Bear's blanket that was made of some of the scraps from the blankets we made. My kids helped to pick out the material to make the blankets and they loved this extra soft material that they knew their baby brother would've loved to cuddle in.
Day 20: Charity/Organization
This is our Gabriel Bear made for us by Molly Bears. We love our Gabriel Bear. The thing I love most about our Gabriel Bear is how we received it. I had put my name on the waiting list and then pretty much forgot about it. Christmas is a hard time for me because my Gabriel was due right after Christmas. Last year I wondered what I could do for my kids to make Christmas special when we just wished Gabriel was with us to celebrate his first birthday. I honestly couldn't come up with anything and was feeling overwhelmed. Just a few days before Christmas our Molly Bear arrived. It was perfect! The little hand on the bear is the same size our little Gabriel's hand was, such a special reminder of how perfect our baby boy was.
I've put our name on the list already to receive our Reese Bear. Our little Reese was due right before Christmas this year. It will be such a special gift when we get a Molly Bear to represent him too. Thank you Molly Bears for filling our arms with something precious to remind us of our babies!
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