Trying to be positive

Ben says my post yesterday was super negative...and it was. I admit it. I'm having a really hard time with this. I feel like I've spent the last 13 months completely depressed and lower than I ever imagined possible and this was just a kick to the head shoving me harder into the dirt. We started reading the Book of Mormon every morning before school and I have been reminded just how horrible it is to complain and murmur about things like Laman and Lemuel did. It doesn't help me or anyone for me to do it, so I'm going to try not to do it anymore. I know it just makes me sound ungrateful for the blessings that I do have, which I totally recognize and am grateful for.

So....another spin. Our chances of having a baby are very slim, but it doesn't mean we won't ever. Just right now, it's not going to happen without a lot more tests and procedures that we presently can't afford. We're already into this well over a grand and that's just for the initial things. So, we wait....and maybe we'll have another baby again....maybe. As for now, we have to accept that it's not going to happen naturally. Heavenly Father might just want us to work really, really hard to have another baby or maybe the answer will continue to be no. Only time will tell.

So, here's the positive things about being told you're not going to be able to have a baby "on your own":

* I can take that scuba diving class that I've been wanting to, but didn't know if I'd have the chance to complete between cycles!
* I can throw my digital thermometer in the trash!
* No more of me taking crazy pills that make me feel like crap & treat everyone like crap. Yay for my family especially!!
* I won't spend the days before I expect my period waiting, wishing, and being yet again disappointed.
* I can take Advil for my headaches again!
* I don't have to feel guilty when I really, really just want to have Dr. Pepper.
* I can plan a girl's trip to Disneyland. Any takers?
* We can plan our 15th anniversary get-away that has been on hold for the last year.
* We don't ever have to worry about birth control!
* We can get "in the mood" when we want to, not when a calendar tells us to.
* No more monthly doctors appointments or blood draws!

...and right now, I can't think of anything else. Because as much as I try to be positive, this still sucks. There I go complaining again. Sorry.