My Christmas Box Miracle....part 2

So, let's face it. I'm depressed. Super duper depressed. I can't say I've ever really been depressed before. Sure, I've been blue, but never this blue. I just miss the old innocent life I had before where I didn't know grief and loss so very much. It will never be the same as it was before. I hate feeling this way and wish I could snap out of it, but I can't. No matter how many blessings I have and how much I can recognize them, losing a baby is a life altering thing that is just so devastating and traumatic that the feelings of happiness seem so elusive regardless of my gratitude and recognition of what I have. The last month has been completely horrible again and I've struggled to find anything at all to show me a light at the end of the tunnel. The Christmas Box angel statue really gave me a sense of peace when we went to it. Just to know that there's a place we could go to remember Gabriel, even if he isn't physically there, has brought me something to cling onto right now.

When we had gone to the Spanish Fork cemetery, Skylar had been really upset about it. I asked her why and she broke down crying and said, "No one we know is buried there." We still went, but after I researched the angel statue more I thought that maybe it would be good for us to go to the SLC cemetery, where most of my family is buried, to see the original Christmas Box angel statue. Maybe that angel statue would bring us, especially her, more comfort, knowing that it was near others we love. I couldn't have been prepared for what we found. We decided to go on Christmas Eve before we joined my family at my parent's house. As we drove into the cemetery looking at the map for where the Christmas Box angel was, I realized that it seemed to be near the rest of my family's plots. We stopped at it, and though we were freezing, we got out and each placed a white flower on it. We took a few pictures also. It was nice. I did feel some comfort in that statue being there for people like our family who need to remember their babies. I shed a tear or two for my sweet boy, Gabriel. I so wish that he was still with me, preparing to be born, not gone, but it was so good to do something to remember him that day.The kids wanted to see where the other family plots were. So we piled back in the car to go to them. I knew they were close, but didn't realized just how close. They were only about a street away from that angel statue. My family has always found it a really strange coincidence that both sides of the family are buried within about 100 feet of each other. My dad's side of the family, the Jensens, are just a little walk away from my mom's side of the family, the Henricksens. As we came to find out that day, the Christmas Box angel statue, is parallel to the Henricksen plot. It's just a street away and you can actually see the statue from it. I had this amazing, overwhelming feeling of awe that they were so close. Almost like it was meant to be.

It made me think back to the book the Christmas Box Miracle, which explains what a miracle it was for that statue to be placed in the cemetery, in that exact spot, in the first place. When Richard Paul Evans felt inspired to commission a statue to be built there, even he was amazed at the events that unfolded that made it possible for it to be placed there. When he talked to the sexton at the cemetery, he was told there wasn't any space left for it. But Evans felt inspired at the same time that the sight had already been chosen. Within minutes, the sexton stated that he had remembered just one place that it could be placed. It was the only place in the cemetery where there was enough space and where no one else was buried because there had been a utility shack there that had recently been taken down. As the next few months went by, everything went just the way it needed to go so that it could be put in that exact spot in the cemetery. Now, that cemetery is huge. I looked it up on Wikipedia. It's one of the biggest cemeteries in the Western United States and the largest operated by the US government. It is over 250 acres and contains 9 1/2 miles of roads. In that entire giant cemetery, the one place that they found to place that Christmas Box Angel statue just happened to be right where my family needed it. It is right where we could still feel as if we had a place to remember Gabriel where our other family members are buried nearby.

Whether it was a tender mercy or just a coincidence, I can't help but be in awe of the miracle that was put into place when that statue was placed. I know it brought me goosebumps and peace in my heart to know that maybe, just maybe, Heavenly Father, knew that my daughter and I, especially, would need that statue that represents those little angel babies, close to where we could feel our other family members that have gone before. I don't know where Gabriel will be on that resurrection day, but knowing that maybe he'll be close to my family, close to where his aunt and cousin, sweet babies like him, are buried, has brought me a sense of peace that I don't think could have been possible without the miracle of that Christmas Box angel statue. It is yet another miracle in all this misery and I am in awe of how blessed I am to have it.