GratiTuesday....I'm back (somewhat)!

Today I'm thankful to be physically back into the swing of things. My miscarriage has taken me so long to get through but I am finally feeling okay (physically, at least). This has definitely been harder physically than even Gabriel's loss was because I did it all naturally. It took over 7 weeks for my pregnancy hormone levels to drop but they've finally gone down and I feel normal....empty, but normal. We're still waiting for results on my blood tests to see if there is any clue to why I've lost these babies but there might not be any answers. The boringness was doubled when I was stuck in bed after my foot shot, but it's doing it's job now and my foot is nice and numb.

      Last week I was off to Girls' Camp where I did a tiny bit of hiking and even some boating. This week it's been nice to finally be able to say yes to my kiddos when they want to do normal summer things like swimming and such. Emotionally, I don't know if I'll ever get used to getting out and seeing all the pregnant bellies and wishing mine was still holding our precious little Reese. I can't help but ache knowing we were so close to having him, so close to the blessing of the joy of a baby in our family and home again.

    It's been hard to go through this over the summer again. I feel as if the last three summers have been so hard for our family. Two years ago we lost Gabriel. Last year I crushed my foot. Then this year we lost Reese. I love summer and all I want to do is spend every single second making memories with my little ones while they get to be mine all day long. Although we had a very rocky start to summer, I'm so grateful and glad that we still have some time left to have some fun. We've got the entire next three weeks planned out to get everyone's summer bucket list crossed off until that darn thing called school begins again. I can't wait for more summer fun with my fantastic four! However, I wonder if I'll always get shocked by the moments I feel like this for the rest of my life.....

 Sigh. We miss you babies!