Our Fantastic Four...Plus Some More: Gabriel's Gift to Us

I'm sure we'll always think of Gabriel at Christmas because he was planned to be our "Christmas baby". I hope that it won't always carry the deep pain that it does now and that someday the knowledge of Christ's birth and what it means for our family and our little angel waiting for us will be the thing that stands out to us the most when we celebrate every Christmas without him here. I hope that we can always find a way to incorporate him into our Christmas though. We started the tradition last year of picking one of our goals for the new year and dedicating it to Gabriel. That would be our Christmas gift to him each year...to strive to make ourselves better so that we can ensure that we'll get to be with Gabriel, our Savior, and our Heavenly Father again. It has been so good to remember our gift to Gabriel while striving for our new goals throughout the year. Last year my goal was to go to the temple more often which made me feel so close to Gabriel and so loved by him and our Heavenly Father.

I've wanted to also find a way that something that our family receives for Christmas will be something to remind us of Gabriel. Last year our kids each got an angel bear that they all keep by their beds to watch over them. We also got our beautiful Simon Dewey portrait In His Constant Care that reminds us each day that our precious Gabriel is safe in the arms of our Savior. Those things have brought us such comfort when we're missing him.

As Christmas approached this year I couldn't come up with something that just felt right as our gift from Gabriel. This year was almost as hard as last year and with the depression I've been battling, the task seemed almost overwhelming to find the perfect thing that would help us to feel like he was a part of our Christmas. Then one day, j ust 10 days befo re Christmas, I received a package in the mail. As I looked at the return address, I just started shaking and tears instantly sprung to my eyes. I knew exactly what the package contained. It was Gabriel's Molly Bear.

Molly Bears was founded by a woman who's own baby girl, Molly, was stillborn. In her need to remember her baby girl, she created a weighted bear that weighed the same as Molly had. It brought so much comfort to her family that she began making them, free of cost, for other bereaved parents. They started in August 2010, the same month that Gabriel was born. Shortly after he died, I somehow ran across the Molly Bear page and ordered my own Gabriel Bear. I was #533 on the waiting list so I didn't expect to see it anytime soon and honestly, I'd kind of forgotten about signing up to get one....until I saw that package.

I haven't shared many of the moments that I have felt Gabriel's presence in our lives because they are very sacred and humbling experiences that I hold very dear to my heart, but he is with us all of the time. I know this. We feel him. We feel his love. We know that he is such an important part of our family. I know, without a doubt, that he had a hand in getting his Molly Bear to us, at the perfect time, right when we needed some way for him to somehow be with us at Christmas.

Here's Gabriel's Molly Bear. Isn't it just the cutest thing? I absolutely love it!

Each Molly Bear is weighted as close to the baby's weight as possible. Gabriel only weighed 2 oz....just tiny. The bear we received weighs 4 oz. and is about double the length of him, about as close as they can get to the weight for a baby as small as he was. I love holding the bear in my hand and remembering a little how it felt to hold my precious baby boy there. I still feel his weight in my hand and I'm so thankful for that. I hope that feeling never goes away. My favorite thing about his bear is the tiny hand on it's chest. It's the same size that little Gabriel's hand was, just about the size of my fingernail. It is just completely perfect to have that little hand to remind my of my baby boy's perfect little hand.

The very last present that we opened on Christmas morning was Gabriel's Molly Bear. Everyone just loved and cuddled it immediately. I told the kids the story of how it got to be here and how I know he helped to get it to us for Christmas.

I'm still in awe of just how perfect this present from our little Gabriel is. Thank you Gabriel for showing your family the love we needed this Christmas! We love you! We love you! We love you!